Phil, I write to you from the future. The year is 2039. We have found a way to send e-mail back in time. I used to listen to your show before talk radio was labeled "speak crime" and banished. Life is a little different these days. My wife has been in prison for the past year for a "recycle crime" because the garbage inspector found a cheese wrapper in our trash. There is a meter on the toilet. More than one flush a day results in a $20 per flush eco-tax. No one smells good in the future as showers are limited to one per month.

Al Gore is doing well, by the way, and is now the world's first trillionaire. He has a 50-story building for his main house, and travels the earth on his personal aircraft carrier, the USS Glacier. On board the Glacier is Al's plane, "The Stupendous Albatross," the largest plane ever built by man. Al's latest movie just came out. "An Inconceivable Annihilation", depicts earth's latest crisis, an inevitable attack from an anti-earth from a parallel universe. There seems to be an overwhelming consensus that this is totally real. This was his best seller to date, as every single American was forced to purchase and watch it.

No one owns vehicles anymore. All vehicles are leased from the government. There is one model available to citizens: The Bioschlepp. The Gore designed Bioschlepp, manufactured in Brazil, is a 2-cylinder one-seat micro-car that is made mostly from recycled cardboard and corn husks. Highway speed limits have been reduced to 20mph, for obvious safety reasons. All biofuel companies, like everything else, are owned by the government. The biofuel these cars run on now comes from worm poop, and costs $80 a gallon. Making your own biofuel is a felony.

The Constitution was burned by Obama during the televised "Birth of a New Nation" ceremony in 2012. All government positions became available to the highest bidder at auction. Vice President Oprah was on TV the other day saying how great things were going.

Private ownership of all firearms and freedom of speech were made illegal. Obama then declared a war on "domestic terrorism," targeting the tea party movement. We were told they had created a crisis of "epic proportions", and were out to destroy "the American way of life." The leaders of the tea party were all rounded up within days and imprisoned. Obama told the people that the crisis was averted. Everyone cheered. All prisons are now in China and are also known as "factories."

Obamacare is treating us well. In 2014 we were made to accept a dime-sized computer implant in our brain, under penalty
of imprisonment. This implant monitors all bodily functions and transmits our location and personal information at all times.
Obama kept coming on TV and telling us that there was a public health crisis, a mass kidnapping crisis, and a "human gaseous pollutant" crisis. He said the implant would save us and we believed him, as usual. Thanks to this implant, the government has made trillions with the breathing tax, and the flatulence tax. Also, due to an overpopulation crisis, the implant self destructs when a citizen reaches the age of 60.

In our "free" time we are assigned to various group activities such as eco-seminars, plant cultivating, or lifestyle improvement classes. In one of these classes I was forced to "try being gay for a day", because it benefits "gender diversity". That was not fun. In school, the children are also taught diversity. They must learn Chinese, Arabic, Spanish, and, lastly, English. They are taught that government is their mother and their biological parents are merely "helpers" and are not to be respected or trusted. Spanking, yelling at a child, or giving him a dirty look, are all illegal. My 9-year-old son beat me with a stick the other day when I mistakenly asked him to go to bed at midnight. My bad, Jimmy.

World President Obama is 78 now. His wife left him after his fifth term in office to rule as the new president of Canada, which is now known as Zone 6. Obama then married a Chinese transgendered male, and a female robot kangaroo, which was labeled by the news as a "happily diverse union." Yeah, things are a little different these days, but at least we are safe and that's the most important thing, right?

Your friend from the future,
-Citizen 65724910m-Zone7